A 3-Minute Life Story

Can I have a few minutes of your time?

"I grew up in a Christian home, and so from very young I knew who Jesus was and why it is important to have a relationship with Him. That's not to say that I had a picture-perfect life. Like everyone else who is born onto this planet, I have faults and issues that I struggle with. But knowing Jesus has made the difference between living a life of constant conflict and suffering, and living a life of hope and security.

One of the strongest driving forces in my life was the need to be in control of things. My ideas were always better, I was always right, and if things didn't go the way I thought they should, the results would be less than perfect, maybe even disastrous. Looking back, I can see several instances where God tried to teach me some life lessons about learning to let things go, although I didn't see it then and therefore missed opportunities to learn from my mistakes.

But...about 10 years ago, my hubby and I filed for bankruptcy. A few years earlier, we had purchased a hog farm. At first, the farm was doing well and the future looked very promising for us. Then we hit some hard financial times, as hog market prices fell and feed prices soared, and a devastating disease hit our herd. To top it all off, in desperation some business decisions were made that made things worse. It was a point in my life were things were definitely out of my control. The fact that my hubby and I were not in agreement in how to solve these problems only made our already difficult marriage more miserable. As I prayed and prayed about this desperate situation, God told me the same thing over and over: 'This is not going to work out the way you want it to, but you need to trust Me to see you through it.' It was about a year that I struggled to "let go", as our debt grew and our marriage continued to fall apart. I was not about to break my marriage vows and divorce my husband, but I was sure I was doomed to life of misery in staying. Still, I tried to believe God, that He would somehow see us through. Eventually, our financial advisors confirmed to us that we would need to file for bankruptcy. Let go. Hubby and I were in agreement that this was the next step to take. And while there were many hardships in that decision and the months and years to follow, the healing in our marriage began. When I think of how ugly our marriage had been, and how God has turned things around, I am in awe--and it gives me hope for any hurting marriage out there. And while I have faith that God is completely in control of everything and can deliver me from any desperate, hopeless situation with one word from His holy lips, I also know that He is still in control when He simply says He'll see me through to the other side. I am learning to 'let go and let God', and He is proving Himself faithful over and over again."

We were given an assignment in our adult Sunday School class to prepare a 3-minute testimony that we could easily share with someone who didn't know Jesus. I have shared my testimony, or life story, before in Christian circles, but I could never keep it to just a few minutes! Jesus has been a big part of my life for many years now, and there's a lot to say about our relationship. It was a definite challenge for me to whittle it down to a few minutes that still held the important message - that having a personal relationship with Jesus Christ makes all the difference. My life story (and everybody has one) is a great introduction to the message of Salvation provided by a loving God through His Son Jesus Christ.

If you are a Christian, I challenge you to prepare your own 3-minute life story, keeping a few points in mind:
1) What has been a driving force in your life? Some general factors - fear, anger, a need to please others, materialism, guilt, etc.(mine was a need to be in contol)
2) What was the crisis or event that caused you to seek out God?
3) How has knowing Jesus made the difference in your life?
4) Prepare and practice telling your story, so that you are ready when someone is looking for answers that only Jesus can give.
"But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have..." - I Peter 3:15

If you are not a Christian, but would like to know more about having a relationship with Jesus, I'd be glad to tell you the whole story. You can comment here or e-mail me at rsmarten (at) mts (dot) net.

Pot Party, Anyone?

I get a kick out of one of our local greenhouses advertising 'pot party' Tuesdays and Thursdays! I wonder if they ever get people showing up who thought it might be something entirely different than planting flowers and greeneries into beautiful ceramic pots. Does sound like fun though...the planting flowers, I mean.

I mentioned in my last post that I wanted to buy some new pots this year to adorn my yard & (future) deck with, and that I was finding them to be ridiculously expensive. Well, yesterday I paid $19 for a ceramic pot - which is not too bad - unless of course you bought it because you broke it, then it's a little more painful. I had just dropped my kids off at school and thought I would just check out the nursery nearby. I wanted to see if they'd gotten more shrubs & trees in so I walked around outside a bit, but the cold wind took the joy out of it for me and I decided to head home. As I left the parking lot, I was sure I had enough room to clear the display of ceramic pots in front of my van, but apparently not. I guess I should be glad I only broke one. To add insult to injury, I was not really dressed for this occasion. I had thrown on some dirty mismatched clothes, pulled my bed-head mop into a ponytail, and wiped the smudged mascara from under my eyes as I ran out the door to deliver my kids to school on time. My decision to stop at the nursery was under the assumption that I would just be looking around, outside, where I likely would not run into anyone, and not be purchasing anything so no human interaction was required. Well, after my little mishap, I had to go in to make restitution, but nobody was at the counter for a while. So, while I waited for a clerk, people started trickling in, and I was getting more and more fearful that I would soon be discovered by someone I knew. Low and behold, a school bus full of Kindergartners from my son's school shows up, and I knew the teacher and several of the moms who were chaperoning the field trip! At least this entourage brought out the staff and I finally was able to pay for the smashed pot and beat a path out of there. This time, I went straight home.

Hooray For Spring!

Hooray for Spring! Last night, as I was relaxing in my lawn chair for a bit, surveying the results of my hard work that day (de-thatching & raking the lawn), I was suddenly overwhelmed with joy...winter is gone! Sure we may see a snowfall here or there yet, but WINTER IS GONE! My perennials are poking through the dirt and treebuds are starting to swell. I can't help but feel like new life is sprouting in me, too. It's been a rough winter. I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. I had strep throat in mid-February, and battled variations of that for nearly a month, and it always worsened when I had a busy day/weekend. Last week, I struggled with laryngitis, which seems to be almost cleared up. This week, just sinus issues, which I can even pass off as allergies since I've been working outside a fair bit. I've been feeling better in the last couple of weeks, but something is still lingering, I fear, and am still very tired. Going to see my doctor today. Wonder if this time there will be any proof that it isn't all in my head.
Anyway didn't mean to bring the mood down! I went to a nursery yesterday, eager to start dreaming and planning and spending a $50 gift certificate I received. They were just getting organized, and I felt a little like they didn't really appreciate me there right now. So I will have to wait a little longer. I have to try to restrain myself this year; last year I went a little crazy. But this year I want to invest in some new pots, and it's apalling how much I'm being asked to pay for the really nice ones. We are planning to build our deck this summer, so I would like to have some pots for that, too. Can you tell I'm really into gardening? Last Spring, I posted How Can You Tell I'm New At This? and if you're looking for a little more "inspiration" check it out.

I Love My Kids!

At the dinner table tonight, there was the usual banter as my three ravenous children are filling their plates. The oldest was also dishing out some light-hearted teasing, as seems to be his specialty since entering the teenage years, and it was getting annoying - like an unending "you are too!""am not!" discussion. I finally interjected.

"Must you be so relentless with your younger brothers?"

Middle child, true to his kind, offers this defense for his older brother:

"On the road to manhood, he must beat a rough path."

To which we all had a good laugh and got down to the business of eating. Did I mention middle child is 11?

*******************

I got the message today. The one that most mothers of my shape & size will eventually get from one of their beloved offspring who are oblivious to the fact that they are at least part of the reason why their moms carry a little extra weight on their frames. Upon seeing a TV commercial on TV for a local weightloss clinic, my youngest lovingly suggested that maybe I should try their program out. I looked at him and he quickly added, "Not that I think you're fat or anything!" I decided to let him live another day anyway.

Pondering Pizza

When it comes to posting I have trouble remembering and commenting on the lighter fare in my life, a true testimony to the brooding kind of person that I am. Today, I feel like I need a break from my brain. Yesterday was a tough day to be at home alone with myself! It exhausted me so, and when the kids came home from school, they saw me sprawled on the floor in the TV room with blankets & pillows watching Oprah. TV is one of my vices when I just can't take it anymore, I'll admit. It has become more difficult, though, since (1) we've been down to one TV for this family of five, (2) it was moved from the living room with the comfy couch to the newly constructed family room with only less-comfortable chairs to sit in (3) children are getting older and gradually crowding those of us who are actually in charge around here out of TV time. Anyway, my youngest sits down next to me and tells me a bit about his day at school - it was a good one. His favorite part was the school bus fire safety drill at the end of the day and upon re-entering the bus, he heard a "1 & a half songs from the AM/FM stereo playing", which seemed to thrill him to no end (he even thanked God for it in his bedtime prayers)! He then proceeded to tell me that he thought it would be a good day to go out for supper. He's a bit intuitive, that one, as he often will suggest this when I'm looking a little worse for wear and like any supper I might manage to make that day will likely be equally unappealing. So I respond with a very non-commital "you think so, eh?". Shortly thereafter, the phone rings, and I'm quite sure it is hubby calling, so I get youngest to answer the phone. He loves to chat with his dad on the phone, and I love to hear him chat with his dad on the phone, and daddy loves it that at least one person in this household besides him loves to chat on the phone, so it's good all around. Anyway, he chit chats a bit and then says, "Can we go out for supper today, dad - mom thinks we should go out for supper!" By the look on his face, he was quite sure I had, until I laughed and pointed out loud enough for daddy to hear that I had said no such thing, and he realized his subtle manipulation tactics had failed. This guy scares me a little, once in a while!
I was not in the mood for going out for supper, but I did have a hankering for pizza, and since I was even less in the mood for making it, decided to order for pick-up(...hmmm...I suppose you could still chalk one up for the little guy, huh?). Pizza is never really a simple solution around here, since we all prefer different ones (Pizza Hut, Dominos, Pizza Hotline, etc.) and it seems to be less cost effective with our boys getting older and eating more. Plus middle child likes pizza but finds himself with headaches or stomach aches as a result of some of them. So I asked him which pizza he would like me to order. He said that Niakwa is the only one he knows he can eat (they order it at school on pizza Fridays) without feeling sick after. Ironically, I used to get violently ill when I ate Niakwa pizza, so we haven't ordered it ever. I always thought Niakwa was the best, too, until I finally made the connection. As a result, I have not eaten it for probably 20 years or so. A couple of years ago, I so badly wanted to try some again, so at a pizza party I ate mostly another kind but topped it off with one piece of Niakwa and low and behold it was just as delicious as I remembered it to be and glory be, I did not get sick! Yesterday, I took the big step and ordered just Niakwa pizza for me and my family. It was the cheapest pizza bill I've had in a long time (they were having a special of 2 larges for $29.99) and we all loved the pizza for a change. I could faintly hear the angel's choir "aahh-ing" in the background! I enjoyed it so much, I nearly ate myself sick for eating too much! But I didn't get sick--nobody got sick--and we even had leftovers! I had cold pizza for breakfast --Niakwa's the best for that, too. I feel like a long lost love has been returned to me! Whatever it was about Niakwa that made me sick years ago, it seems I have outgrown it...I wonder if there are other joys I am missing for fear of what once was...uugghh!...leave it to me to get all analytical again - over pizza.

Who Are You?

I have been snooping around a bit lately again, looking for more interesting blogs to add to my favorites (I have several, but don't link them on my site). Interestingly enough, I have discovered some blogs of people that I know a little bit about, but then am a little surprised by the things they say (or don't say) on their blogs. It is so interesting to compare the people we see face to face to the (same) people who pour out their souls in written word. Which is the real deal? Are the things we write an idealized version of who we claim to be? Or is what we write about ourselves authentic, and what those around us see is simply a mask? Really, I think we are just such complicated beings, and it's hard to package ourselves completely to present an authentic self to those around us from day to day.
I wonder if people who say "I need to find myself" ever really do. If they do, do they like who they find? or are they sorry they ever went there? How long before they discover that they no longer are that old self they found last time, and have to start the search again?! In any case, I feel sorry for them, because in reality they are struggling to know fully who they are in themselves and I think we are designed by our Creator not to. Why? Because what really matters is who we are in Him, and to not be satisfied with that means that we are looking for another god, often times in our own self.
I mentioned a few posts ago, that I was learning a lot through a Bible study called Believing God by Beth Moore, and was going to eventually share some insights. I don't just want to spew information that you can read for yourself in her book, but rather share my own experiences in relation to what I've learned. That, too, is complicated. I haven't really known where to start. But writing this post has reminded me of a statement from the Pledge of Faith that we stated and explored every week in our sessions:
1. God is who He says He is.
2. God can do what He says He can do.
3. I am who God says I am.
4. I can do all things through Christ.
5. God's Word is alive and active in me.
The Bible--God's Word--has some very specific things to say about who we are. We tend to pay closer attention, though, to who we say we are, or who others say we are. I can't think of a better way to "find myself" than to read what my Creator says about me! There is a blog that I have discovered where the author in "About Me" writes, "The essence of myself is to complicated even for me to understand. That is one of the reasons I am so glad that I know a Friend by whom I am fully known." Read Psalm 139 for more inspiration.

How Many Countries Do You Know?

I just completed a 10 minute test on naming as many countries of the United Nations as you can and didn't do so well--I only named 47 of the 192. Can you do better? Click here to test yourself: http://andys.org.uk/countryquiz/

Check It OUT!!

Oh, I am so proud of myself right now, I must share! Notice in the "some of my favorites" section to the right something different - "LPM Blog": I managed to put that there all by myself!! I looked in blogger helps and found out how to do it on my own. Do you have any idea how computer illiterate I am? This is a major accomplishment for me (...yes, I can hear the wild applause, and thank you)!
Anyway, why it's there: I am one of Beth Moore's newest groupies, and after spending much too much time searching for a remotely personal website of hers, I found this one, and felt I had to share it! I've already spent too much time reading there, and even commented on one blog, but God has taught me so much through her teaching and I love to read about what projects she (and Living Proof Ministries) is currently working on and about day to day stuff in her and her family's lives. I can't wait to add more of my favorites to my links (anyone out there giving me permission to do so?)--that is, if I remember how to do it again. I'm not yet an expert, so please don't ask me to explain what I did. And please don't tell me (yet) that it's really not a difficult procedure and it's nothing more than a click here and a drag there*. Burst my bubble another day, please.
*April 4 - I found an easier way--again, on my own!

Missing In Action

I'm still here! I've been quiet for a while because I've been very preoccupied with a Bible Study that I am co-leading since mid-January, but we are nearly through the series (called "Believing God - A Fresh Explosion of Faith" by Beth Moore). It's been very intensive and I haven't been able to wrap my mind around much else these last 10 weeks, but I will be sharing some insights shortly! Thanks for checking in on me, anyway!

Peace On Earth

It's been a while again since my last post, but I have been very busy in the last few months. We are nearly done with our basement reno, and the kids are happy to have a space of their own again (parents, too!). We have some issues with our new carpet, but hope that'll be ironed out before too long and then we can officially move in.
I felt the need to post because it is Christmas, and being a Christian, this season is especially meaningful. We are celebrating the birth of our Savior, Jesus Christ--a gracious gift from God to all mankind. And it's fun to tie that in with giving gifts to our loved ones, and just generally celebrating & having fun. Doesn't that sound lovely? So why am I so bummed? So exhausted? So ready to pack up and leave and go far, far away?
It's just too much! Everybody wants a Christmas party or banquet. Everybody wants to exchange gifts. Everybody wants you to bring food & goodies. Everybody has a pageant or a concert you have to see. Well, how about a Christmas season of nothing but 'peace on earth'--where we actually have the time to sit down and reflect on what this season really means to us?
By now, you must be feeling the temptation to dismiss me as a Scrooge. But wait: it's not that I don't like Christmas...it's that I don't like what Christmas has been made into.
We have friends who are missionaries in a remote mountain jungle, and every Christmas that they spend out there is so very different than the ones they spend out here when on furlough. Most of the people they live around are poor, first of all, so the extravagance is non-existent. It is a very 'low-key' kind of celebration season. I told them (they are here this Christmas) that if I can ever afford to take the trip to visit them, I will plan it for the month of December. I long to experience what Christmas is supposed to be.
Thankfully, I feel like 'the worst' is behind me, as Christmas Eve is just 2 days away. I look forward to spending a few days of down time with our families, and not racing through the shopping malls searching desperately for the perfect gift for someone who already has everything. I've done no 'Christmas baking', which is highly unusual for me, but intend to make a few simple family favorites in the next day or two. Because Christmas Eve falls on Sunday this year, we have our Sunday School program in the morning, and the rest of the day is ours! We have learned to celebrate our own (family) Christmas whenever it works best around here-- 23rd, 24th, 25th--whenever we are not required to be at the extended family gatherings. I hope that my children will learn that it is not important which day you celebrate on, but that you do make time to celebrate together.
So, there you have it, my Christmas rantings. Just needed to let off a little steam, and spare some innocent by-standers my tantrums. While I long for my own little 'peace on earth', I do hope and pray that you will find some too this Christmas season!

Grateful

Thanksgiving Day was October 9 for us Canadians. I'm glad that this year, this special occasion has been prolonged for us. We gathered with our families the weekend prior to Thanksgiving, because that's when most of us were around. The weekend of Thanksgiving, we shared lunch with our good friends at their home. The 9th was a holiday & day off from work, of course, but with no gatherings to attend, we were able to get a lot of work done on finishing out our basement. This past weekend, we celebrated with Thanksgiving Dinner at our church. And I'm not tired of being thankful, yet! Just some of the things I've learned over the years and in recent weeks...

I Am Thankful...

that God is real, and He loves me--so much that He sacrificed His Son, Jesus Christ to pay the penalty of my sin on a cruel cross, just to be with me. And when I am distracted by all the things this world has to offer me, He waits for me...and when my eyes are opened and I see what I'm really missing (again), He smiles at me and says "Come...". It is good to feel that loved...

that I have a loving husband who keeps coming home to me & the kids, even when I'm not that much fun to come home to...

for my 3 sons. I wouldn't want it any other way. I think God knew there were enough female hormones creating havoc in this household...

for family, in-laws and cousins that are fun to spend time with and easy to love...

for friends who are always glad to see us and spend time with us, even when we've been too busy for too long...

that we had such an awesome summer!

for God's provision of a job for hubby that he loves, and that provides enough income to meet our needs and even some wants. I complain sometimes about the crazy long hours he sometimes puts in, but then again, him working this job means I don't have to be out in the workforce and can stay at home to be there for our kids...

that we have a nice house to live in and that we are able to now finish building it and expand our living space x 2!

that my hubby can do and fix almost anything...

that even though I said we would learn to manage without, hubby decided to buy a new TV. I'm extra thankful that he was satisfied with a 27"...

that my teenage son--after spending Saturday afternoon with our church's youth group, and after church's Thanksgiving Dinner & Program the next day, said "That was fun!"

that someone brought a friend to Thanksgiving Dinner, and after we took turns saying what we were thankful for--the usual food, shelter, family & friends, free country, church--he asked to share his testimony with us. He came from Africa, where he suffered starvation, abuse, tip-toed around rotting bodies laying in the streets and saw his father shot dead, and where he learned that God was looking after him. We are blessed beyond recognition...

The Silence Speaks Loud and Clear

I hope you who are reading out there get my sometimes wierd sense of humor--especially when it comes to yesterday's blog. I mean no disrespect to those who are experiencing real loss. But the truth is I do feel like I've lost a friend. I'm not emotional about it, it's just...empty. I have the radio on today, for a little company. Yesterday was my first real day at home alone without TV, and it was lonely (and those who know me, know I don't get lonely often). I sat down on the sofa several times yesterday, grabbed the remote, and then, "oh yeah...it's dead." I'm not kidding! It has become a serious habit for me. I'm also used to ending my day with TV. I got home from a church meeting last night, tucked my kids into bed, and then wondered what to do next. I tinkered around a bit, then decided to climb into bed and maybe do some reading! I don't really like to read, so now you know I'm desperate. But I learned a small (maybe potentially big) lesson yesterday...
I needed to find a devotional for our meeting last night, and I spent literally most of the day looking through my Bible & devotional books for one (that's the perfectionist in me--there's gotta be something better). And after a few hours of searching, I found one titled, "How God Gets Our Attention". This especially caught my eye, as a friend had shared his own attention-grabbing experiences with us this past week. He drives a tractor-trailer and was hundreds of miles from home, driving a lonely stretch of highway with no city lights in sight. He had a buddy driving not far behind him, but other than that, alone. Without warning he had pain in his chest, and numbness in his left arm. This feeling did not go away and intensified, and he was really getting concerned. He picked up his cell-phone to call someone--his wife, 911, someone--but he had no cell service. He noticed a road sign that said 60 miles to the nearest town. He had no highway shoulder to pull over onto, and was starting to panic and feeling light-headed. He radio-ed the trucker behind him and told him what was going on, but they both knew there was nothing they could do but keep moving to the nearest hospital. He was completely at the mercy of God, there was nothing else in these moments that was going to fix this. This was definitely God begging his attention, as he tells it. And while he is a born-again Christian and a true servant of God, he knew that God was taking great measures to communicate with him, that something important needed to be addressed and God would not be overlooked. As soon as he was in cell-range of the nearest city, he called 911 and an ambulance came out to meet him. His trucker buddy assured him that his truck and load would be taken care of, and off he went to the emergency room, in a strange city, surrounded by people he didn't know, but that were giving him all their attention and the best of care. Of course there is a lot more to the story, but you know he eventually made it home safe & sound, or else he would not have shared it with us. So, the theme around here in the last few days has been, How God Gets Our Attention.
And then--I'm really switching gears here, so stay with me--on a much smaller scale than life & death, our TV quit working. Is it any coincidence that it quit just in time for the new TV season, which I was really looking forward too? I don't think so. I have realized, only because I was forced to, that the TV is a huge vice for me, and that it keeps me from doing, listening, reading--all kinds of things that God would rather see me do. More specifically, His Voice is often drowned out by all the noise and chaos we surround ourselves with. And so sometimes He chooses to speak to us in a life or death moment, and sometimes in the little disruptions of everyday living. And whether it be through a friend's terrifying experience or my TV dying, right now, I'm listening.
"Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." Psalm 46:10 NIV

Obituary Of A Dear Friend

This past weekend, a dear friend of mine died. Actually, I haven't fully accepted that it really has happened, but when I go back to check, it's always the same conclusion. Dead. I have told myself for years that this would happen 'any day now', but now that it's here, I'm a little in shock.
She has been a good friend to me for the last 16 years, and I gave her more than enough of my attention & time, too. She was there for me, any time, day or night, any day of the week. I looked forward to re-living old experiences with her, and anticipated the new, exciting ones, too. Many sleepless nights I spent quietly with her, until I was lulled to sleep. Many painful hours, when nothing could distract me, she comforted me and kept me company. When my children were small, she was always available to entertain my children for a while, so I could grab a nap or get some dishes done. She has made me laugh and cry, sometimes when it seemed I'd forgotten how, or she caught me off guard...I've learned alot from her--she could spew information about any topic you could think of, and she could cause the imagination to run wild. She has told me and shown me breath-taking pictures of so many beautiful places on this earth, and I hope to someday go see some of them for myself. She also exposed me to some of the ugliness of the world, and made me thankful for the blessings in my life. She had a lot of connections--she even introduced me to Oprah and Dr. Phil! I'm not sure how I will cope without her...
She was always easily turned on...and off, for that matter. Until Saturday night.
I was watching my hubby work in the basement, and our boys decided to watch a DVD. But they came in a rush down the stairs and reported that something was terribly wrong. They tried to turn the television on, but nothing happened! We remained calm for the moment, and said we would be up shortly to fix the problem. But when we tried to turn it on, too, nothing happened. Upon pressing the POWER button, there was the familiar 'click' of TV On, followed by an involuntary 'click' of TV Off! We tried several different methods to revive her, but our efforts could not bring her back. She was gone.
In recent years, I often said, if our TV ever kicked the bucket, I wouldn't replace it right away. We would learn to live without it, and maybe even enjoy life a little more. I think it may be harder than I thought.
In lieu of flowers, friends may make a donation towards the purchase of a new one. Hubby is dreaming of a big screen...

Testing, Testing, 1-2-3

Surreal moment #2: I was asked to come in for an interview, for the job(s) I applied for the other day! I was still taking in the whole moment of me actually stepping forward to submit my resume, and then this call that sent me for a loop. Thankfully I did not have much time to consider the whole thing--I got the message Monday at 5:30 and they wanted to see me Tuesday at 2:15. So I called back and confirmed the appointment, before I could talk myself out of it.
"The appointment will take about 1 hr., as we will be testing your skills, etc. and then do the interview."
Testing? Alright, reality will hit me a little sooner than I expected, but it's probably better this way, to find out how way in over my head I am before I get too wrapped up in myself. But I realized that this was an awesome beginning to finding out what I really want to do and what I am really capable of.
I walked into the office for my interview, and met someone I sort of knew also waiting their turn and chatted a bit, easing the tension for both of us, I think. While I was waiting I actually became quite relaxed and discovered that I might actually enjoy this experience. And sure enough, I did! I performed "really well" during the testing (aptitude, keyboarding, data-entry, etc.) and even when I walked into the interview room with 7 or 8 board members (I was only expecting 1 interviewer!) waiting for me, I remained calm and collected and I believe I presented myself well. When all was said and done, I felt really good about the whole thing, and honestly felt that if this was the end of the road, what I'd experienced thus far would be enough. It's a huge deal, having an interview for a dream job, after 10 years of 'missing in action'!
When it started to occur to me that I might actually get the job, I started sweating. Yes, it would be a dream job, but am I ready for it? The timing didn't feel right to me, but I had decided a few months ago that whenever a job like this got posted I would apply, thinking that it might take a few tries to get their attention. So I got their attention a little sooner than I expected to! I've prayed about this thing for quite some time now (and rallied some prayer troops in the last frantic days!), and really had to trust that God would look out for my best interest, here. I'm really not very good at making decisions, even little ones, and so I'm often begging Him to step in and 'make it happen' - His way. Some may think that is an admirable characteristic for a child of God, but I think if it becomes extreme, where one becomes too fearful to step out in faith, that is a character weakness. Yeah, for me, it more often shows up as the latter.
But through this whole experience, as positive as it was, God did speak to my heart, that now was not exactly the right time and place for this to happen. And this was confirmed today when I received the call that another applicant was chosen over me. And I was at peace with that. I even had the presence of mind to ask if there was anything I should/could do the next time I would apply for such a job that would increase my chances of getting hired. And next time, I will be a little more ready...

Am I Ready For This?

Yes, this is very uncharacteristic of me, but here is my 2nd post in as many days! I'm just feeling a little angst, and thought if I put it down in words, I might feel a little better.
I walked into an office yesterday and submitted my resume to apply for a job. It was a very surreal moment for me. I have not felt like that since I graduated high school and applied for my first job, almost 20 years ago! Okay, now I feel old, to boot...but back to the issue at hand...I am not sure that I'm ready for a 'real' job. But after being out of the work force for roughly 10 years, I'm not sure that I could do anything to adequately prepare myself, either. I had a job that I did from my home office in the last few years, but that was different. No commuting, no co-workers, my boss was my hubby, work on my own schedule just a few hours a week--that kind of different.
Mostly, I'm scared of how me getting a job outside the home will affect my kids. My hope is that any job I might get would allow me to be home most of the time that they are not in school. I know that's a tall order, but so far I'm not desperate for $$, and I think I can hold out for it. Having a little more income was what initiated the whole idea of me getting back to work, but now I'm feeling more like this is something I have to do to re-introduce myself to 'the real world'. I can't be a stay-at-home-mom forever, and the longer I put it off the harder it's gonna get. But it has been my mission in the last dozen or so years to be there for my kids whenever they need me. It's hard for me to let that go. I have to remind myself that kids are resilient and adjust to life changes much better than most of us grown-ups do. Right?
But then, there's the issue of being under-qualified and inexperienced. Is there really anyone out there who would want to hire me, based on my lean resume? If someone did give me a chance and hire me, could I cut it, or would I be a disappointment? I know where I worked before the kids came along, I was good at what I did, and my co-workers always asked me after I left when I was coming back cuz they missed me. But that was a long time ago.
Anyway, by the way I'm carrying on, it sounds as though I'm going to work tomorrow! Well, this job I applied for would start in less than a week if I got it, so maybe that accounts for my high anxiety. I actually applied for the same posting a few months back, but I sent my resume in via email (because I was too close to the deadline to bring it in personally). Somehow, that didn't feel as stressful, but I didn't get the job then, or even an interview, either. I think I didn't really have time to think about it then either. Time to think about things has always been bad for me.
Anyway, I should probably get off-line so that if someone's trying to call me for an interview, they can actually get a hold of me! How's that for optimism? A wise woman once said "fake it 'til you make it". I'll try to keep that in mind.

Bugs & Blessings

I must say, it has been a lovely summer! I was sitting outside (again) yesterday afternoon, picking tiny hitchhiker burrs out of my son's socks before throwing them in the laundry, and couldn't help but thank the Lord (stay with me...). You see, we live in "the bush" (that means surrounded by forest, wild trees & shrubs, etc. - apparently "the bush" is a term that is common around here but not everywhere), and for the 4 summers that we have lived here, this is the first where I can sit outside any old time without first dousing myself in mosquito spray. Not only that, but I don't have to put on a sweater or a raincoat first, either! It has been an unusually hot, dry summer, which I have to say, is perfect for me. It's too bad that it poses a problem for the farmers & firefighters out there, 'cause I would like it this way every year. I don't mind watering my lawn & gardens a little more often. And a summer without mosquitos--that is just heaven!
The hot & dry weather has also caused an invasion of wasps & the like. I haven't really found it to be a problem here at home, but we went camping last week, and they were bad enough that we had to plan around them (sort of). I'm glad we had a screen tent to retreat to for our meals. But our first breakfast of pancakes & bacon (which we started eating outside the screen tent, because it wasn't up yet, on account of us arriving too late & too tired the day before) was less than enjoyable with those little creatures buzzing around. So, while I cooked and waved off wasps, hubby put up the tent. The boys ate breakfast in the tent, scarfing it down before the flying fiends could get at it. I wanted to get a picture, but we were all pretty preoccupied to stop and get the camera. The syrup-y plates that stacked up when we were done invited a whole swarm. Four or five of them found their way through the tiny hole of the bottle and were swimming in our syrup! Anyway, after that morning, we learned to do things differently to minimize our vulnerability to the nasty insects. I did comment to hubby, that I would be surprised to make it through our stay without anyone getting stung. And sure enough, our youngest got it. A wasp had gotten under his shirt and I guess felt trapped and stung him. He tried to be brave about it and didn't cry, but was white as a ghost & felt sick for about a half hour! None of our boys had ever been stung at all before, so I hoped that being stung would at least alleviate that fear of the unknown. So while the youngest became running scared of everything that buzzed around him, our middle son just stayed still and let them crawl all over him if necessary. He even let one land on his face, cleaning up the remains of his last meal off of his lips!! We told him that was unnecessary and maybe even asking for trouble. We learned that the wasps are almost non-existent in the evenings, and by supper-time we could eat outside and sit around the fire safely. We had an enjoyable 4 night stay at our favorite campground, and it was the kind of relaxation we have not had for quite some time. Hubby had to be readily available by cell-phone and emails the first 2 days, but the weekend was work-free. Of course, Friday brought in all the weekend partiers, and we (hubby & I) hardly slept a wink on account of the rowdies in the 3 sites across from us. They christened their weekend shortly after arrival with smoking and passing around something and smoking it, and I'm not sure what they ate but they had plenty to drink. The conversation & behavior was such that I was very busy trying to occupy my children's minds, eyes & ears with whatever I could to distract them. We decided to file a complaint at the campground office, and while the officers won't tell you how they will take care of the problem, we did notice a few less people the next night, and it was much quieter, too. They were even shush-ing each other quite a bit! I don't like being a party-pooper, but my kids don't need to see & hear that stuff. And I need my sleep! Everything else about the camping trip was really enjoyable. This was the closest thing to a holiday we'll have this year, so I'm glad it went well. We had great weather--no rain, and even some real beach weather. I enjoy the beach a whole lot more now that my kids are older and are more confident in the water. I can actually relax a bit, and playing in the water with them is more fun, too. I was also reminded how fortunate I am to have such good kids. Almost everywhere you look, you see some kid throwing a tantrum or disregarding their parents. While I am aware that my time may be coming, I am thankful for the real blessing that they have been/are to me (& others). I really enjoy being with them and watching them. It saddens me that summer's almost over...enjoy the blessings while you can!

I'm just busy...

It is definitely summer. My kids are home from school, and life has taken on a whole new meaning. Suddenly the house that is for most of the year quiet is a-buzz with activity. Rarely are all 5 of us home at one time, and once in a while a few extra faces appear, too. Then this morning the grandparents picked up the kids to spend a few days at a lake resort with them. It didn't take long for the silence to be uncomfortable! Funny how in just a few weeks we adapt to a new normal.
So, the reason I haven't posted lately is that I don't seem to own a computer anymore. With 3 boys taking turns on it throughout the day, it gets its share of attention. And even though one of my previous postings revealed how I occasionally become obsessed with the blog-ing world, I'm not drawn to it much with the kids around. I still find some of it intriguing, but some of it is downright offensive to me and I certainly wouldn't want their eyes to stumble upon it. And honestly, I don't think I want to spend my precious summer in front of the computer. I wait too long and hard for this season, so forgive me if you don't hear from me much until September!

I'm still new at this - Part 2

Okay, apparently problem in Part 1 has corrected itself. I shall sleep better tonight knowing all is well.

I'm still new at this...

Okay, I changed my template/set-up today, and my previous post suddenly would not allow comments. I don't know what I did to set that up, but I would like to leave my adoring fans (or nasty critics, as the case may be) the option of giving me feedback...so if anyone out there knows what I did wrong, please let me know!

I think I'm addicted...

Since I was introduced to the world of blogging just a couple of weeks ago (thanx wm!), I have been sucked into the black hole of cyberspace! I can't help myself, I just keep clicking 'next blog' like some kind of junkie. Like the gambler, I am always hoping that 'the next one will be the payoff' - something in ENGLISH, that isn't about politics or World Cup Soccer. Fortunately, my kids and hubby jerk me back into the real world every now and then with questions like:
Are we gonna have supper any time soon?
Are you coming to bed tonight?
Did you accidentally crazy-glue your index finger to the mouse?
I am one who easily gets addicted to things--games, food, hobbies--usually nothing too dangerous (I thank God I never gave smoking an honest try!), and usually not for an extended amount of time. Probably because I do really care about people more. Herein lies the problem: there are a lot of people out there blogging about some serious issues, and I can't help but feel like they need me to listen! I think I am officially co-dependent. I've always suspected it, but now I'm convinced. I feel sorry for those who post for months & months, and never get any comments. Of course, not everyone that's out there blogging is looking for feedback, but what if they are? So, when I come across someone who seems like they are, I usually try to send them a friendly comment. Just doing my part to make the world a better place!

Well, I think I should get on with my day...groceries to buy, flowers to water, laundry to do, supper to plan...I should probably bake some cookies today, as my youngest reminded me that I said I would yesterday, with just a little guilt-trip dripping off the end. Sorry to all my fellow bloggers out there, but today my little one needs me to be the hero and bake some cookies, so hopefully someone else will read your posts and make your day! See, I can quit anytime I want...