A 3-Minute Life Story

Can I have a few minutes of your time?

"I grew up in a Christian home, and so from very young I knew who Jesus was and why it is important to have a relationship with Him. That's not to say that I had a picture-perfect life. Like everyone else who is born onto this planet, I have faults and issues that I struggle with. But knowing Jesus has made the difference between living a life of constant conflict and suffering, and living a life of hope and security.

One of the strongest driving forces in my life was the need to be in control of things. My ideas were always better, I was always right, and if things didn't go the way I thought they should, the results would be less than perfect, maybe even disastrous. Looking back, I can see several instances where God tried to teach me some life lessons about learning to let things go, although I didn't see it then and therefore missed opportunities to learn from my mistakes.

But...about 10 years ago, my hubby and I filed for bankruptcy. A few years earlier, we had purchased a hog farm. At first, the farm was doing well and the future looked very promising for us. Then we hit some hard financial times, as hog market prices fell and feed prices soared, and a devastating disease hit our herd. To top it all off, in desperation some business decisions were made that made things worse. It was a point in my life were things were definitely out of my control. The fact that my hubby and I were not in agreement in how to solve these problems only made our already difficult marriage more miserable. As I prayed and prayed about this desperate situation, God told me the same thing over and over: 'This is not going to work out the way you want it to, but you need to trust Me to see you through it.' It was about a year that I struggled to "let go", as our debt grew and our marriage continued to fall apart. I was not about to break my marriage vows and divorce my husband, but I was sure I was doomed to life of misery in staying. Still, I tried to believe God, that He would somehow see us through. Eventually, our financial advisors confirmed to us that we would need to file for bankruptcy. Let go. Hubby and I were in agreement that this was the next step to take. And while there were many hardships in that decision and the months and years to follow, the healing in our marriage began. When I think of how ugly our marriage had been, and how God has turned things around, I am in awe--and it gives me hope for any hurting marriage out there. And while I have faith that God is completely in control of everything and can deliver me from any desperate, hopeless situation with one word from His holy lips, I also know that He is still in control when He simply says He'll see me through to the other side. I am learning to 'let go and let God', and He is proving Himself faithful over and over again."

We were given an assignment in our adult Sunday School class to prepare a 3-minute testimony that we could easily share with someone who didn't know Jesus. I have shared my testimony, or life story, before in Christian circles, but I could never keep it to just a few minutes! Jesus has been a big part of my life for many years now, and there's a lot to say about our relationship. It was a definite challenge for me to whittle it down to a few minutes that still held the important message - that having a personal relationship with Jesus Christ makes all the difference. My life story (and everybody has one) is a great introduction to the message of Salvation provided by a loving God through His Son Jesus Christ.

If you are a Christian, I challenge you to prepare your own 3-minute life story, keeping a few points in mind:
1) What has been a driving force in your life? Some general factors - fear, anger, a need to please others, materialism, guilt, etc.(mine was a need to be in contol)
2) What was the crisis or event that caused you to seek out God?
3) How has knowing Jesus made the difference in your life?
4) Prepare and practice telling your story, so that you are ready when someone is looking for answers that only Jesus can give.
"But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have..." - I Peter 3:15

If you are not a Christian, but would like to know more about having a relationship with Jesus, I'd be glad to tell you the whole story. You can comment here or e-mail me at rsmarten (at) mts (dot) net.

Who Are You?

I have been snooping around a bit lately again, looking for more interesting blogs to add to my favorites (I have several, but don't link them on my site). Interestingly enough, I have discovered some blogs of people that I know a little bit about, but then am a little surprised by the things they say (or don't say) on their blogs. It is so interesting to compare the people we see face to face to the (same) people who pour out their souls in written word. Which is the real deal? Are the things we write an idealized version of who we claim to be? Or is what we write about ourselves authentic, and what those around us see is simply a mask? Really, I think we are just such complicated beings, and it's hard to package ourselves completely to present an authentic self to those around us from day to day.
I wonder if people who say "I need to find myself" ever really do. If they do, do they like who they find? or are they sorry they ever went there? How long before they discover that they no longer are that old self they found last time, and have to start the search again?! In any case, I feel sorry for them, because in reality they are struggling to know fully who they are in themselves and I think we are designed by our Creator not to. Why? Because what really matters is who we are in Him, and to not be satisfied with that means that we are looking for another god, often times in our own self.
I mentioned a few posts ago, that I was learning a lot through a Bible study called Believing God by Beth Moore, and was going to eventually share some insights. I don't just want to spew information that you can read for yourself in her book, but rather share my own experiences in relation to what I've learned. That, too, is complicated. I haven't really known where to start. But writing this post has reminded me of a statement from the Pledge of Faith that we stated and explored every week in our sessions:
1. God is who He says He is.
2. God can do what He says He can do.
3. I am who God says I am.
4. I can do all things through Christ.
5. God's Word is alive and active in me.
The Bible--God's Word--has some very specific things to say about who we are. We tend to pay closer attention, though, to who we say we are, or who others say we are. I can't think of a better way to "find myself" than to read what my Creator says about me! There is a blog that I have discovered where the author in "About Me" writes, "The essence of myself is to complicated even for me to understand. That is one of the reasons I am so glad that I know a Friend by whom I am fully known." Read Psalm 139 for more inspiration.

Check It OUT!!

Oh, I am so proud of myself right now, I must share! Notice in the "some of my favorites" section to the right something different - "LPM Blog": I managed to put that there all by myself!! I looked in blogger helps and found out how to do it on my own. Do you have any idea how computer illiterate I am? This is a major accomplishment for me (...yes, I can hear the wild applause, and thank you)!
Anyway, why it's there: I am one of Beth Moore's newest groupies, and after spending much too much time searching for a remotely personal website of hers, I found this one, and felt I had to share it! I've already spent too much time reading there, and even commented on one blog, but God has taught me so much through her teaching and I love to read about what projects she (and Living Proof Ministries) is currently working on and about day to day stuff in her and her family's lives. I can't wait to add more of my favorites to my links (anyone out there giving me permission to do so?)--that is, if I remember how to do it again. I'm not yet an expert, so please don't ask me to explain what I did. And please don't tell me (yet) that it's really not a difficult procedure and it's nothing more than a click here and a drag there*. Burst my bubble another day, please.
*April 4 - I found an easier way--again, on my own!

Missing In Action

I'm still here! I've been quiet for a while because I've been very preoccupied with a Bible Study that I am co-leading since mid-January, but we are nearly through the series (called "Believing God - A Fresh Explosion of Faith" by Beth Moore). It's been very intensive and I haven't been able to wrap my mind around much else these last 10 weeks, but I will be sharing some insights shortly! Thanks for checking in on me, anyway!

Peace On Earth

It's been a while again since my last post, but I have been very busy in the last few months. We are nearly done with our basement reno, and the kids are happy to have a space of their own again (parents, too!). We have some issues with our new carpet, but hope that'll be ironed out before too long and then we can officially move in.
I felt the need to post because it is Christmas, and being a Christian, this season is especially meaningful. We are celebrating the birth of our Savior, Jesus Christ--a gracious gift from God to all mankind. And it's fun to tie that in with giving gifts to our loved ones, and just generally celebrating & having fun. Doesn't that sound lovely? So why am I so bummed? So exhausted? So ready to pack up and leave and go far, far away?
It's just too much! Everybody wants a Christmas party or banquet. Everybody wants to exchange gifts. Everybody wants you to bring food & goodies. Everybody has a pageant or a concert you have to see. Well, how about a Christmas season of nothing but 'peace on earth'--where we actually have the time to sit down and reflect on what this season really means to us?
By now, you must be feeling the temptation to dismiss me as a Scrooge. But wait: it's not that I don't like Christmas...it's that I don't like what Christmas has been made into.
We have friends who are missionaries in a remote mountain jungle, and every Christmas that they spend out there is so very different than the ones they spend out here when on furlough. Most of the people they live around are poor, first of all, so the extravagance is non-existent. It is a very 'low-key' kind of celebration season. I told them (they are here this Christmas) that if I can ever afford to take the trip to visit them, I will plan it for the month of December. I long to experience what Christmas is supposed to be.
Thankfully, I feel like 'the worst' is behind me, as Christmas Eve is just 2 days away. I look forward to spending a few days of down time with our families, and not racing through the shopping malls searching desperately for the perfect gift for someone who already has everything. I've done no 'Christmas baking', which is highly unusual for me, but intend to make a few simple family favorites in the next day or two. Because Christmas Eve falls on Sunday this year, we have our Sunday School program in the morning, and the rest of the day is ours! We have learned to celebrate our own (family) Christmas whenever it works best around here-- 23rd, 24th, 25th--whenever we are not required to be at the extended family gatherings. I hope that my children will learn that it is not important which day you celebrate on, but that you do make time to celebrate together.
So, there you have it, my Christmas rantings. Just needed to let off a little steam, and spare some innocent by-standers my tantrums. While I long for my own little 'peace on earth', I do hope and pray that you will find some too this Christmas season!

Grateful

Thanksgiving Day was October 9 for us Canadians. I'm glad that this year, this special occasion has been prolonged for us. We gathered with our families the weekend prior to Thanksgiving, because that's when most of us were around. The weekend of Thanksgiving, we shared lunch with our good friends at their home. The 9th was a holiday & day off from work, of course, but with no gatherings to attend, we were able to get a lot of work done on finishing out our basement. This past weekend, we celebrated with Thanksgiving Dinner at our church. And I'm not tired of being thankful, yet! Just some of the things I've learned over the years and in recent weeks...

I Am Thankful...

that God is real, and He loves me--so much that He sacrificed His Son, Jesus Christ to pay the penalty of my sin on a cruel cross, just to be with me. And when I am distracted by all the things this world has to offer me, He waits for me...and when my eyes are opened and I see what I'm really missing (again), He smiles at me and says "Come...". It is good to feel that loved...

that I have a loving husband who keeps coming home to me & the kids, even when I'm not that much fun to come home to...

for my 3 sons. I wouldn't want it any other way. I think God knew there were enough female hormones creating havoc in this household...

for family, in-laws and cousins that are fun to spend time with and easy to love...

for friends who are always glad to see us and spend time with us, even when we've been too busy for too long...

that we had such an awesome summer!

for God's provision of a job for hubby that he loves, and that provides enough income to meet our needs and even some wants. I complain sometimes about the crazy long hours he sometimes puts in, but then again, him working this job means I don't have to be out in the workforce and can stay at home to be there for our kids...

that we have a nice house to live in and that we are able to now finish building it and expand our living space x 2!

that my hubby can do and fix almost anything...

that even though I said we would learn to manage without, hubby decided to buy a new TV. I'm extra thankful that he was satisfied with a 27"...

that my teenage son--after spending Saturday afternoon with our church's youth group, and after church's Thanksgiving Dinner & Program the next day, said "That was fun!"

that someone brought a friend to Thanksgiving Dinner, and after we took turns saying what we were thankful for--the usual food, shelter, family & friends, free country, church--he asked to share his testimony with us. He came from Africa, where he suffered starvation, abuse, tip-toed around rotting bodies laying in the streets and saw his father shot dead, and where he learned that God was looking after him. We are blessed beyond recognition...

The Silence Speaks Loud and Clear

I hope you who are reading out there get my sometimes wierd sense of humor--especially when it comes to yesterday's blog. I mean no disrespect to those who are experiencing real loss. But the truth is I do feel like I've lost a friend. I'm not emotional about it, it's just...empty. I have the radio on today, for a little company. Yesterday was my first real day at home alone without TV, and it was lonely (and those who know me, know I don't get lonely often). I sat down on the sofa several times yesterday, grabbed the remote, and then, "oh yeah...it's dead." I'm not kidding! It has become a serious habit for me. I'm also used to ending my day with TV. I got home from a church meeting last night, tucked my kids into bed, and then wondered what to do next. I tinkered around a bit, then decided to climb into bed and maybe do some reading! I don't really like to read, so now you know I'm desperate. But I learned a small (maybe potentially big) lesson yesterday...
I needed to find a devotional for our meeting last night, and I spent literally most of the day looking through my Bible & devotional books for one (that's the perfectionist in me--there's gotta be something better). And after a few hours of searching, I found one titled, "How God Gets Our Attention". This especially caught my eye, as a friend had shared his own attention-grabbing experiences with us this past week. He drives a tractor-trailer and was hundreds of miles from home, driving a lonely stretch of highway with no city lights in sight. He had a buddy driving not far behind him, but other than that, alone. Without warning he had pain in his chest, and numbness in his left arm. This feeling did not go away and intensified, and he was really getting concerned. He picked up his cell-phone to call someone--his wife, 911, someone--but he had no cell service. He noticed a road sign that said 60 miles to the nearest town. He had no highway shoulder to pull over onto, and was starting to panic and feeling light-headed. He radio-ed the trucker behind him and told him what was going on, but they both knew there was nothing they could do but keep moving to the nearest hospital. He was completely at the mercy of God, there was nothing else in these moments that was going to fix this. This was definitely God begging his attention, as he tells it. And while he is a born-again Christian and a true servant of God, he knew that God was taking great measures to communicate with him, that something important needed to be addressed and God would not be overlooked. As soon as he was in cell-range of the nearest city, he called 911 and an ambulance came out to meet him. His trucker buddy assured him that his truck and load would be taken care of, and off he went to the emergency room, in a strange city, surrounded by people he didn't know, but that were giving him all their attention and the best of care. Of course there is a lot more to the story, but you know he eventually made it home safe & sound, or else he would not have shared it with us. So, the theme around here in the last few days has been, How God Gets Our Attention.
And then--I'm really switching gears here, so stay with me--on a much smaller scale than life & death, our TV quit working. Is it any coincidence that it quit just in time for the new TV season, which I was really looking forward too? I don't think so. I have realized, only because I was forced to, that the TV is a huge vice for me, and that it keeps me from doing, listening, reading--all kinds of things that God would rather see me do. More specifically, His Voice is often drowned out by all the noise and chaos we surround ourselves with. And so sometimes He chooses to speak to us in a life or death moment, and sometimes in the little disruptions of everyday living. And whether it be through a friend's terrifying experience or my TV dying, right now, I'm listening.
"Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." Psalm 46:10 NIV

Testing, Testing, 1-2-3

Surreal moment #2: I was asked to come in for an interview, for the job(s) I applied for the other day! I was still taking in the whole moment of me actually stepping forward to submit my resume, and then this call that sent me for a loop. Thankfully I did not have much time to consider the whole thing--I got the message Monday at 5:30 and they wanted to see me Tuesday at 2:15. So I called back and confirmed the appointment, before I could talk myself out of it.
"The appointment will take about 1 hr., as we will be testing your skills, etc. and then do the interview."
Testing? Alright, reality will hit me a little sooner than I expected, but it's probably better this way, to find out how way in over my head I am before I get too wrapped up in myself. But I realized that this was an awesome beginning to finding out what I really want to do and what I am really capable of.
I walked into the office for my interview, and met someone I sort of knew also waiting their turn and chatted a bit, easing the tension for both of us, I think. While I was waiting I actually became quite relaxed and discovered that I might actually enjoy this experience. And sure enough, I did! I performed "really well" during the testing (aptitude, keyboarding, data-entry, etc.) and even when I walked into the interview room with 7 or 8 board members (I was only expecting 1 interviewer!) waiting for me, I remained calm and collected and I believe I presented myself well. When all was said and done, I felt really good about the whole thing, and honestly felt that if this was the end of the road, what I'd experienced thus far would be enough. It's a huge deal, having an interview for a dream job, after 10 years of 'missing in action'!
When it started to occur to me that I might actually get the job, I started sweating. Yes, it would be a dream job, but am I ready for it? The timing didn't feel right to me, but I had decided a few months ago that whenever a job like this got posted I would apply, thinking that it might take a few tries to get their attention. So I got their attention a little sooner than I expected to! I've prayed about this thing for quite some time now (and rallied some prayer troops in the last frantic days!), and really had to trust that God would look out for my best interest, here. I'm really not very good at making decisions, even little ones, and so I'm often begging Him to step in and 'make it happen' - His way. Some may think that is an admirable characteristic for a child of God, but I think if it becomes extreme, where one becomes too fearful to step out in faith, that is a character weakness. Yeah, for me, it more often shows up as the latter.
But through this whole experience, as positive as it was, God did speak to my heart, that now was not exactly the right time and place for this to happen. And this was confirmed today when I received the call that another applicant was chosen over me. And I was at peace with that. I even had the presence of mind to ask if there was anything I should/could do the next time I would apply for such a job that would increase my chances of getting hired. And next time, I will be a little more ready...

How Can You Tell I'm New At This?

Okay, I know this isn't that complicated, but leave it to me to screw it up somehow! So this posting should really have the other title, "How Does Your Garden Grow?":)

Yesterday, I finished all of my flower bed/garden planting for the season. That is to say, whatever I've bought so far is in the ground. Technically I have no more dirt to put things into, so reluctantly, I'm done. Our yard is in the process of being developed, and more beds will be put in eventually, but for now I must be happy with what I have. I will have to restrain myself now from going into the garden centres for fear of finding another beautiful little life to nurture and cultivate and encourage to grow, blossom and bear fruit as the case may be. Gardening brings me such satisfaction. I have seen that with a little hard work and persistence, I can take something small and fragile and help it to realize it's full potential--in a few short months. And then there's more: I can enjoy 'the fruits of my labor'--the beautiful colors & designs, the aromas, the textures and the tastes --a feast for the senses.

Yes, it is a labor of love for me (not 'a love of labor', as some critics of gardeners will accuse!), but it's not always pretty. One of the hardest things for me is "pinching back" those plants just after you put them in the ground. That's right--that delicate new life that you have just given a permanent home to, pinch off the most beautiful part of it and throw that away! It's a painful, ugly part of the process of establishing roots and encouraging new, stronger growth. And I've done it enough now to know it really works! But then there's all those forces of nature that come into play. While the sun and the rain are absolutely necessary for growth, there is such a thing as too much of a good thing. I must be diligent and help to maintain a healthy balance (thank the Lord, He takes care of most of it!) by supplementing where necessary and planting in just the right spot. And then there's those horrible summer storms that come along and seem determined to shred my plants to pieces, even rip them right out of the ground. Last summer, just as my gardens were 'taking off', we had a major hailstorm that nearly destroyed everything I had planted earlier. Amazingly, everything revived and in fact some plants grew back stronger than ever. And let's not forget about the nastiest enemies of all, insects and disease. Just when you thought all was going well and you were doing everything right, these guys sneak in undetected. Usually, by the time you notice that there's a problem, more damage has been done than is visible to the naked eye. Hopefully, you identify the problem quickly and treat it properly, or you may lose this battle. The health of neighboring plants is also in jeopardy--this enemy has no problem finding another host--eliminate it--squash it dead--at your first opportunity! And to keep this pest from coming back, put things in place to protect your vulnerable plants--sometimes as easy as something like "companion planting" (surround with plants that keep pests/disease away, or that host bigger, badder bugs!).

I could really go on and on. And in case you haven't noticed, Gardening is more to me than a hobby: It is a metaphor for Life. We all start out as seedlings, and depending on our life experience, we end up flourishing or floundering. I am grateful for the many caring gardeners in my life who have done their best to help me grow into the person I am today, and I am determined to care for my children and others who depend on me the same way.

Well, the sun is shining and my plants are looking thirsty, so I'd better get outside. Feels good to be needed sometimes, doesn't it?

For more reading on this subject, check out John 15:1-8.